Effective ministry always requires a team (Ex. 18:13-18). Teams are characterized by solid relationships and mutual accountability (Heb. 10:24). However, even on the best of teams, conflict occurs. This in itself isn’t the problem; the problem is in how we handle it.
The time to develop these guidelines is before conflict arises; once it has started, even though they are needed, it is too late to establish them. And since teamwork demands mutual accountability, these guidelines level the playing field. Any one, even someone in a position with little organizational authority, can point out violations in a true team setting. Inherent in the idea of teamwork is that all team members, the leader included, must seek to follow the guidelines (Eph. 5:21).
Here are some biblical ground rules and principles for handling and preventing conflict:
1. Don’t rush in; pray about it! (Matt. 7:3-5; Phil. 4:6; Ja. 1:19)
2. Use “I” statements: take responsibility for how you feel (Gal. 6:4a)
3. Avoid character analysis: talk about behavior, not character (Ja .4:11)
4. Avoid mind reading: explore motives and reasons by asking, not assuming (Ex. 18:14)
5. Keep to one issue: only discuss one thing at a time (Lk. 10:41-42)
6. Keep it to the here and now: don’t use yesterday’s issues as today’s ammunition (1 Cor. 13:5)
7. Don’t counterattack: accept reproof graciously (Prov. 15:5, 19:20)
8. Keep emotions appropriate and in check (Prov. 16:32; Ja.1:19)
9. Deal with issues quickly: don’t let feelings get buried alive (Eph. 4:26-27)
10. Don’t try to win: if one person wins, the other person loses (Eph. 4:2-3)
11. Deal directly with the people involved (Matt.18:15)
12. Use edifying language (Eph. 4:29)
13. Balance directness and sensitivity (Eph. 4:15)
14. Trust God for your interests (Psa. 91)
